And the Open is done....

After a crazy week full of 10-17 hour days, 13.5 came and went.  The Open is done.  I repeated 13.5 Saturday morning in an attempt to get more than the 61 reps I managed to eek out on Thursday.  I felt like if I could move through the second set of pull-ups faster, I should be able to manage more reps.  But, even though I moved faster, I just couldn't do it.  I couldn't get the big improvement I was hoping for.  I eeked out +1 more rep and wound up with 62.  And it ended.  Just like that.  With one final collapse on the floor, I finished the 2013 Open.  There were no streamers, no banners, no balloons falling from the sky.... In the blink of an eye, it was over.  I took a shower, I changed my clothes, and then I went to work a double.  It was completely and totally..... anticlimatic....

I can't say I'm pleased with the Open.  I never am.  I don't do well over a long period of time like this.  For someone like me who routinely works long days, trying to stay up and competitive over a period of five weeks is hard.  I don't want to make excuses, but it is.  I am someone who is convinced that I CAN do it all.  I can teach, serve, compete at CrossFit, volunteer with my group, and sing in my choir.  I'm hard.  I'm not easy.  I'm complex and complicated but I still want to be able to do everything at 100%.  Is that feasible? Some would say no.  I say yes.  But it makes me a challenging athlete to coach.  It makes it hard to help me help myself.  But regardless of my circumstances over the past several months leading up to the Open, it is what it is and the scores are final.  A final look at the standings shows that out of 2365 women who completed all of the wods, I am 479.  Last year there were only 1300 women who competed in the Mid Atlantic region.  This year, that number nearly doubled, and I'm still well within the top half of that number.  I guess I should be happy with that.... but a perfectionist like me is not ever satisfied..... Now it's on to the next one.... we'll see what that will be. 

Is it time for a change?

It doesn't take much beyond a quick look down the side of my blog to know and understand that CrossFit is something that I have been doing for awhile. I have always loved CrossFit and I have been ever so thankful of the friends, nay, family I have made by suffering through brutal workout after brutal workout. For the past several months, my life has been in a bit of a flux. Since going back into the classroom in January '11, life has thrown me a lot of curve balls. I love teaching, but I'm beginning to wonder if it takes 13 hours a day to be good at what I do, if I have that in me to give. Working like that leaves NO time for anything else, including CrossFit. Especially not when you have to maintain a second job on the weekends to work off debt you've largely acquired because you work in a profession where it is not only commonplace, but expected, that you will put your own meager salary back into your classroom.

I have yearned, no ached, for what most would consider "normal". Weekends where I am not being required to complete work that cannot be completed in a normal day. Weekends that do not involve working a second job. Weekends that involve spending time with someone I care about, and spending time enjoying the company of good friends. Weekends that involve LIVING. I've made a large effort in the past few months to start putting myself back out there again. Not just meaning dating wise, but also making the time for friends and other people who have been important to me. I've also started singing again, something that I thought went onto a shelf 12 years ago never to resurface. All these things I've done in an attempt to put myself more firmly in a place where I want to be.

But yet, the one thing, aside from my dating life (oi vey!) that I just can't seem to get right is CrossFit. I am a competitive person. I love competing in CrossFit. But being competitive in CrossFit takes a lot of solid training, and a lot of hard work. It takes discipline and solid nutrition, not to mention, plenty of good rest, and a consistent schedule. All of which seem to be things that I am lacking in at the moment. I want to compete, but at the same time, I also don't want to let my team down. And if there is one thing I can say about this year's open (I'm limiting myself to ONE thing) it's that I feel like in every regard I have disappointed my coaches, and let my team down. In the two wods where I should have been able to just blow those numbers out of the water, I couldn't. I tried. It wasn't like I laid down and played dead, but I know I didn't perform to the level of where I otherwise should have. I know I did not perform where they wanted me to. I am, on many levels, embarassed.

So, here I sit. Holding the pieces of what seems like a very broken situation. If I can't live up to the expectations of my team, is it time for me to go? Is it time for a change of pace and a change of scenery? If I can't live up to my own expectations, is it time to change the expectations? Or accept the fact that I will never be at the level I want to be? I have goals, things I want to be able to do. But I'm finding it harder and harder to meet them. The Open has given me a lot to think about. Is it time for a change? I need to sort it out.

Growing Up State: I am Penn State

 

Imagine if you will, a place where a small lazy river, winds endlessly through rounded mountain ridges.  Imagine that this place is miles away from the nearest city, and speckled with small towns.  There are farms and fields forming much of the landscape with major highways ocassionally criss-crossing through the land.  Imagine if you will the people who live here.  Mostly blue-collar, hard-working, and religious folks.  You will find these people working hard Monday-Friday, coaching soccer and Little League on Saturday, and going to church on Sunday.  

In many ways, it's like taking a step back in time.  The nearest malls are miles away.  There are many places where the nearest neighbor is too.  Large storms still knock out power, and blizzards can, and do strand people in their homes for more than a mere 12 hours.  There is no Starbucks on every corner.  In many towns, everyone still knows everyone's name.  And here, four wheel drives are driven for a purpose other than showing off how much money you have.  In short, welcome home.  Welcome to my home.  I was born here. I was raised here.  And for 22 years, I lived in one house.  Central Pennsylvania, is an hour and a half from the nearest "bustling" city of Harrisburg.  Philly and Pittsburgh take 3-4.  In short, there's really not all that much to do.  

This is a place where your neighbor knows you and will still give you the shirt off your back if you need it.  It's a place where kids still play outside.  They still climb trees, ride bikes, and occassionally wander too far from the house while they play in the creek. Towns still have parades, and driving with a gun in your car is perfectly normal.  It's a place that has given birth to the Little League World Series, the Bloomsburg Fair, Middleswarth Potato Chips, and Mike Mussina.  This is Central Pennsylvania.  This is also Nittany Lion country.

From my earliest days, the seasons all had specific activities associated with them, and we looked forward to them all.  Winter in Central PA means that you are guaranteed snow, and that it can be rest assured that you will watch a lot of movies when the plow doesn't come by your rural address for a few days.  Spring means the return of the Crocusses, trout season, and AYSO spring soccer.  Summer of course meant outdoor swim team and lots of sleepovers at the 'river lots' and campgrounds, maybe mixed in with a trip to Knoebels Amusement Resort, and of course, carnival season. And Fall.  Fall was glorious.  Not only for the gorgeous coloring of the leaves up Route 15 on the ridge lines, but for many other reasons. Fall was Fall AYSO soccer (and eventually high school soccer), hunting season, and football.  Glorious, glorious football.  

Central Pennsylvania, nestled into the valleys of the Susquehanna river, lies just over an hour due west from State College, or Happy Valley as it has been nicknamed.  As far back as I can remember, our proximity to the University always meant that Saturdays in the fall were for Penn State Football.  I can remember my dad at my soccer games with his radio headset on, trying to catch the broadcast while he watched us play.  And honestly, you couldn't expect to get in the car during a Penn State game and hear a song on the radio.  Every station would broadcast the Penn State game.  I can still hear in my head the VERY particular way the announcer would always say, "I formation in the back field."  Route 80 would be packed on Friday and Saturdays with people headed west then east, flying their PSU flags and sporting their stickers en route to the games.  Route 15 and 322 brought people from the South up into Happy Valley.  It was guaranteed that restaurants and stores along these routes would be packed every weekend, and you couldn't expect to drive through the area and not see a variety of flags, license plates, car magnets, and bumper stickers that all supported our Lions.  

As a kid, I used to love to go visit my grandparents in Shamokin.  A little out of Central PA it lies a little farther to the east, in coal country.  Long time Penn State supporters, Pop Pop and Grandma went so far as to keep their Penn State blanket and a stuffed Nittany Lion in the back of their car.  For a long time they had a van that traveled west for EVERY home game of the season.  Once the stadium became too much for my grandfather's knees, they had to stop going.  But even though they stopped going, they never stopped supporting.  In the kitchen of their house for 20+ years, hung the Nittany Lion head with the saying "Love Ya' Lions" right over the kitchen sink.  Being a Penn Stater was ingrained in me from an early age, and to that university I attach some very fond memories.  

Some people though, don't understand why.  Why has this program become so big?  Why is it such a huge thing?  Why is the "Nittany Nation" so strong?  Growing up as a part of the Nittany Nation, but now living away from it, I have my own thoughts as to why that happened.  State College, where Beaver Stadium is located, sits essentially nestled into the mountains as well.  Although an hour closer to Pittsburgh, it still essentially sits in the middle of nowhere.  The people of State College, and the students who attend University Park, are essentially an island.  There's nothing there besides the town and the University.  In part, I think that this is one of the reasons why the Nittany Nation is as strong as it is.  There are few outsiders in the Penn State world because quite frankly, you really have to WANT to be there to be there.  It is my belief, that as with CrossFit where people who suffer together form a community, the same type of thing happens in Happy Valley.  Suffering together through freak snow storms and bleak winters away from much of the outside world, the people there band together in a way that many people do not understand.  Some have used the word cult.  I think that that is a bit extreme.  I think the area simply doesn't appeal itself to everyone, so to the people who don't want to be there, it is easier simply to label the people that do.   People who go there, or live there, are there for a reason.  I strongly believe that that strong sense of commuity is one of the attractions.  And I think that the football program is a continuation of it.  There is NOTHING, NOTHING, I tell you, like sitting in a stadium with 108,000 (the average home game attendance) people who all want the same thing you do.

In addition to being a great weekend activity, everyone who was a Penn State fan, felt good about being a Penn State fan because of who led that team.  To have a strong community was great.  But to have a strong community that was led by what we felt was a strong leader, was fantastic.  We had a man who talked about success with honor and had some of the highest graduation rates in college sports.  He also spent his years as a coach giving back to the community in which he lived.  Joe Paterno, despite having multi-million dollar paychecks, continued to live in the community of State College.  Joe never bought a mansion, never moved into a gated house.  He continued to live as a member of a community.  He was just like us.  He was a normal, everyday guy.  He gave to the University Library, the Special Olympics, and gave his time to different University functions, like THON, throughout the year.  He was the embodiment of good in a world that is not often so.  Penn State fans felt a connection with that type of leadership, because it represented many of us.  Many of us are small town folks who believe in community and in doing the right thing.  

Flash forward to November of this past year.  Jerry Sandusky and the scandal that errupted tarnished our university and our football team.  It tore to pieces the image of a man that we had thought we knew, and had come to feel represented a lot of good in this world.  As alumni, as fans, we were disappointed in our leadership.  We were disgusted with what they allowed to occur.  We were torn between continuing to think that Joe Paterno had done the right thing, and acknowledging that maybe someone we thought we knew, was not infallible.  It was heartwrenching to watch.  It was heartwrenching to hear the truth.  It was hard to hear that someone we all loved and admired, was maybe not quite as worthy of that admiration as we thought.  We wanted to believe that we couldn't be wrong.  It was hard to hear that they had allowed children to be put through what they went through. For those of us who had been fans for decades, it was painful.  I'm not comparing our pain to that of the victims, so please don't jump to conclusions, but if you have ever loved something very much, and watched it go down in a ball of flames, then you may understand what I mean.  Penn State represented a lot of memories for us, and it was hard to watch something you love go through something like this.  It wasn't long after the scandal errupted that the media began to paint everyone associated with Penn State with the same brush.  

According to ESPN, EVERYONE knew.  And according to the media, EVERYONE was to blame.  Because we loved our community, and because we loved football and how it felt to be part of the Nittany Nation, and because we took PRIDE in being a part of the Penn State family, it was our fault.  WE did this.  Not Jerry Sandusky, not any of the administration, but US.  That sort of thinking has been very hard to swallow.  The blind hatred and the accusatory remarks that have been hurled at Penn Staters for simply being Penn Staters over the past few months has been horrific.  The ESPN message boards are a flood of hate filled posts.  As a Penn Stater, it's hard not to be upset by that.  It's hard sometimes to keep quiet when all you hear are people attacking something that you love.  It's a natural reaction to be defensive and to attack back.  Penn State fans and alumni have been attacked relentlessly by the media for months.  Is it not understandable why they are starting to get angry? Why they are starting to attack back?  The media has accused anyone associated with Penn State of essentially being a bad person.  It's hard NOT to come out swinging when someone says something like that.  Although this is not the same, since I know most of you reading this are CrossFitters, I will use a CrossFit analogy here.  How does it feel, when people who don't CrossFit, and don't understand it begin talking trash about CrossFit? About how wrong our methods are, about how wrong we are to eat and train like we do. About how CrossFit is a cult?  What is your first initial reaction? To tell them that they are wrong, and to essentially fly off the handle at them for coming up to you and having this conversation without fulling even understanding what CrossFit is, right?

That's how many Penn Staters feel.  We're tired of people who don't even know anything about the University talking a whole lot of trash.  I can't tell you how many times I have heard people say that the University should be shut down.  Do you realize that Penn State has over 20 branch campuses in addition to University Park in State College?  Do people realize that Penn State has a partnership with Hershey Medical Center and that it is a top research school? Do people realize that Penn State engineering schools are ranked among some of the best?  Do these people know that THON is the LARGEST student-run philanthropic organization in the COUNTRY and that last year ALONE they raised $10 million for children's cancer via the 4 Diamonds Fund?  Penn State is genuinely a quality university.  There are a handful of people who seriously messed up, and yes, they do need some form of punishment.  But shutting down the university and belittling the students, faculty, and fans of Penn State is NOT the answer.  It doesn't erase any of the past.  It just makes it harder to move into the future. As a former, and now again current, Penn Stater through World Campus, I am proud to be a part of the Penn State family.  I am proud of what this family can accomplish when they put their minds to it.  I only hope that people who are not part of the Nittany Nation will read this and begin to have a clearer understanding of Penn State and what it means to many people just like me.  Perhaps they will then be able to join with the students and alumni who are working for RAINN and begin to do some good as we move into the next chapter of Penn State's history.

Is strong REALLY beautiful?

If you've been a follower of my blog for awhile, or if you happen to know me in person, you know that food and I have not always had the best of relationships.  If you're just dropping by for the first time, well, welcome.  Food and I have not always had the best of relationships, just FYI.  

I've had my good times with food, I've had my bad times with food, and my relationship with food is something that I will always be mindful of as I go through my life.  Proper diet and weight management are things that I'm constantly thinking about.  I'm always mindful of how I look, and how I feel about myself. Last week I was having a particularly rough week.  The end of the school year was not good for my diet, and I've been feeling not so great about things lately.  And as I was searching for recipe ideas for healthy meals to cook to get myself back on track, I was just a little bit bothered by something that I kept seeing.

As I scrolled through multiple blogs and multiple posts, I kept seeing "Strong is beautiful".  This wasn't the first time I had seen the phrase, but I've noticed that this sort of "movement" has really been gaining some steam lately.  When I first started seeing all the "Strong is beautiful" stuff, I was sort of excited.  I think that moving away from the idea that every woman in the world should be a size 4 or under is a good thing.  I think it's healthy.  It's like the pendulum of beauty image began to swing in a healthy direction.  But I've been noticing lately, it seems, that more and more I'm seeing those same words attached only to pictures of extremely fit women, like Annie Thorisdottir.  Now, before anyone jumps on me and says I'm hating on Annie, allow me to say that I think Annie is gorgeous.  I think I would make out with Annie if she asked.  She is incredibly talented as an athlete and has obvious amounts of dedication to her sport.  And I'm NOT saying that women like Annie are not beautiful.

My issue with this situation is this.  By attaching the phrase "Strong is beautiful" to women like Annie, it seems to be promoting the ideal that you can't be beautiful unless you have a very low percentage of body fat and a perfectly ripped body, like Annie.  It's almost as if you can't be considered beautiful unless you look like THAT.  Yesterday Facebook (God BLESS Facebook) trended me to an article about the beautiful women of CrossFit.  Again, every single one of them had six pack abs, ripped arms, and was completely toned.  Again, are those women all beautiful? Absolutely, but again, it's almost as if the beauty image pendulum has completely swung the other way.  It's almost as if it's saying that unless you are completely toned and ripped, you are not strong or beautiful.  

In my opinion, which I know does not count for very much, there seems to be a contradiction going on.  If strong is beautiful, then regular old girls who work out hard and are trying the best they can to be healthy should be beautiful too, no? So then, if that's what we REALLY mean, where are the pictures of them?  Why are their bodies not being heralded as beautiful too?  Why are they not being featured in the same photos as the Annies of the world?  Why does it only apply to the perfect physiques of the CrossFit goddesses? 

Would I love to be a CrossFit goddess and look like Annie? Absolutely.  (It would probably help my dating life a lot..... then again, shutting my mouth and not always expressing my opinions might too.... but I digress.)  I think we all would because, let's be honest, those abs are freaking awesome and who WOULDN'T want to have those?  But I know that the particular amount of dedication to CrossFit and dieting that it would take for me to get there is just not in my cards right now.  But in the meantime, does that mean that I'm not beautiful?  (Be careful how you answer that question.... this is MY blog after all.... :P) Does it mean that the woman who just dropped 20 lbs isn't beautiful?  Does that mean that the woman who is a size 10 and deadlifting 275, but does not have ripped arms isn't beautiful? 

This post is NOT trying to take anything away from the hard work those women have put into their dieting and their sport, but I just think that we (and by "we" I mean society) need to slow down and think carefully about "Strong is beautiful" and how exactly that message is being portrayed.  I think it's great that people are finally coming around to the idea that stronger women and athletes are beautiful, but I think that if we are not careful about how we send this message, then we will have missed a very important boat altogether.  If strong is truly beautiful, then I think we need to begin to celebrate the beauty truly, as it is, in all different kinds of shapes and sizes.  

How to Date a CrossFitter.... if you are one...

So, last week I gave out some helpful tips for people who wanted to date a CrossFitter, but were not CrossFitters themselves.  So, I guess it's only fair if I give some dating advice for people who are CrossFitters.  Since I'm single, I'm not really sure if I SHOULD be giving dating advice, but.... meh, oh well.  I'll do it anyway, cuz, well, it's my blog and I can! 

How to Date a CrossFitter....if you are one!

I think it's always better to start with the DON'TS and get them out of the way... so let's do that again shall we? Some of these rules may only apply if we CrossFit together, others are universal! 

DON'T

1.  Touch my knife, don't touch my Johnson...or my weights- This rule really only applies if we happen to CrossFit at the same box, but it's an important one.  You'd be pissy if somebody messed with your weights mid-wod, so why do it to your SO? That's even MORE annoying.  Just becuase I'm your SO that doesn't mean that I won't be annoyed if you try to share/mess with my stuff.  It also doesn't mean I won't smack you in the face with my kettlebell.  So, bottom line, HANDS OFF! 

2.  Forget that WOD time is WOD time.- I realize that you like my butt, and that my boobs look AWESOME in my Lulu tanktop, HOWEVER, time and place buddy.  I also realize that I'm freaking awesome and that you want to tell me how much you love me.... but.... again, time and place.  While I do enjoy the ocassional chalk print on my butt, when we're wodding, please refrain from calling me shnookums, baby cakes, and pookey, and store up all those lovey dovey things for later.... when I can properly show you how much I appreciate them..... *hint hint, wink wink* I have a totally badass reputation to uphold in the box, and I won't have others thinking it's ok to call me shmoopy pants.  If you choose to ignore this rule, I promise I will reveal your mother's pet name for you and post your naked baby photos to Facebook.  And perhaps a few embarassing photos of you from the mid-90's.  Consider yourself warned.  

3.  Whine if I can clean/snatch/overhead squat more than you.- Listen, we all have our strengths and weaknesses when it comes to CrossFit.  I just happen to be good at lifting heavy things after being a swimmer for 16 years, but I SUCK when it comes to metcons.  So please don't get all mopey and act like a 3rd grader if I happen to clean more than you on a given day.  It's not sexy.  Whining about it just might make me accidentally dump my bar on you.  And I don't care who you are.... 100 pounds is 100 pounds and it hurts if I slam it into you.

4.  Rub it in that you are more like Speedy Gonzalez than me.-  Trying to make yourself feel better about your strength weakness by rubbing it in that you are faster than me makes my attraction to you fade faster than than New Kids on the Block comeback.  Don't try to put me down to build yourself up.  Embrace your weaknesses and do work, son!

5.  Fan your feathers. - Ok, so let's say you're a guy that CAN lift more than me.  You don't need to flaunt it at every turn. If I drop my bar and it needs to be back on the rack, I'll strip it, or tag team it back up there.  I don't need you to come over and clean/snatch my 1RM like it's child play.  Really? I get it, you're able to lift my 1RM easily.  Put the plummage away and go lift something else besides MY bar.  

6.  Think it's necessary to make me jealous by wodding shirtless and flirting at the gym- If you have to ask why, then this is CLEARLY not going to work.  If you like to wod shirtless 'cause you do, that's one thing.  If you need to have every female at the gym staring at you and touching your perfectly formed six-pack, then move along.  I like you because I like YOU, not your biceps and six-pack.  Although they are nice to see and touch.... they're NOT why I'm dating you.  

7.  Play "the penis mightier" with all the guys at the gym- Listen, you like me, that's cool and I dig that. But our thing is our thing, and the whole world does not need to be informed.  If we like each other, sooner or later, people WILL figure it out.  You don't need to give every man at the box the "hands-off" talk, or the "eyes-off" talk either.  Many of those guys are my friends and us dating won't change that.  If you can't handle me having male friends, I suggest you do like Michael Jackson and "beat it".  

DO

1.  Feel free to cheer for me.- So long as you're not calling me baby cakes, shmoopy, or any other pet name, I whole-heartedly appreciate your support, especially if it's during a metcon! 

2.  Celebrate my success.- Be proud of me when I do something good and I promise that I will cheer just as loud when you hit a big PR! 

3.  Tell me how hot I look after a WOD.- If you'd like to tell me AFTER the WOD how hot I look without any make-up and drenched in sweat.... well then, by all means! :) 

4.  Be my partner.-  We don't need to do EVERY partner WOD together, we don't have an imbilical cord after all, but I don't think there's anything wrong with us WODding together. 

5.  Practice being healthy with me.- There is strength in numbers.  Healthy eating and wod habits are easier to keep when there is a buddy system.  Think "Thunder buddies for life!" So let's get together and work on our world dominance.... ok ok fine... maybe just our CrossFit dominance.  

So there you have it folks.... How to Date a CrossFitter... if you are a CrossFitter.  As usual, I reserve the right to ammend my list! :) Hope it made you giggle at least a little! :) 

Katie on: Affordable Healthcare

A large number of Americans already have affordable healthcare.  It's called CrossFit.  :) I think though, that since CrossFit and healthy eating are known to PREVENT many types of ailments, my insurance company should cover my monthly gym membership and count it as preventative care.  ;) Just a thought.... 

I need 100 CC's of Mario Kart!!!

So, last week I was outside Philly visiting my friend.  He just had surgery to reattach his hamstring, which for him, has been nothing short of torture.  He's always been a very active soccer player and coach, even after college.  For him to now be forced to lay on the couch (he can't even sit) in an immobolizer is absolutely torturous for him.  I went to visit just so he could have some company and have someone to talk to and watch movies with.  As an added bonus, I found out that CrossFit KOP (King Of Prussia) was LITERALLY .8 miles from his house.  I was stoked! A wod in the process?!? Sweet. The drop-in was great and I hit the hero wod from the main site, which was pretty painful for all intensive purposes.  I had to modify the HSPU, but the time wasn't too bad for 12 rounds.  Although the drop-in was fun, and was a serious highlight, I have a confession that I have to make.  Until last week, I had never played a Wii.  So Kev and I decided that well, I needed to play.  We of course decided to play Mario Kart.  I am an absolutely HORRIBLE driver.  No really.  We were playing on a team and he kept telling me my only job was to make sure I didn't finish last.  That's NOT exactly a vote of confidence! LOL.  Anyway, playing Mario Kart with him made me think of the rap video Remy did.  If you don't know Remy, well.... then you just don't know.  He's INFAMOUS in the NOVA area for his spectacularly done "Arlington Rap".  (You Tube it.... IMHO, SPOT ON!) Well, he also made one called the Mario Kart rap.  I'm going to amuse you all with it now.  Because, well, I can!!!